Yeah, it’s a no from me.
I’m not ready. I’m alright with that. I’m comfortable.
1990-2015: It was great. We always gave each other something cute, a nice card, a nice evening.
2016: I wake up, he’s gone. He doesn’t come home till late evening. Where were you? “Working”. He brought me an orchid and some cupcakes.
After I found out about The Whore in April 2016, I asked about Valentines day again. I asked again and again as the months went by. Around 7 months later, he finally tells me. Why it takes this fool so long to talk to me, I will never understand. Why I put up with it, I will also never understand.
“After I got off of work, I went by her house. Gave her some flowers, and then came home.”
Oh.. she got flowers. How nice.
Did you give her a card? No.
Did you stay long? No
Did you take her out to dinner? No
“I just stopped by, gave her the flowers and then came home.”
What can I say? I asked, he answered. I also know he lies, but what can I say. I know he stopped by, gave her the flowers and probably a little more in the bedroom. I’m not stupid.
So here comes 2017:
I lose it. Triggered like crazy. I’m definitely better at control now, but last year, I was still in the fog, still flooding and triggering over every single little thing.
I am sitting in living room. I look at him, I can’t stop thinking about the stupid flowers. The cupcakes that he brought me the year before had our local grocery store name on them. I knew the orchid came from same store.
I look at him, “Did you get her flowers from the grocery store too?”
He just looks at me.
“Did you? Please just tell me. Because if you don’t talk to me about it, I’m picturing 14 dozen red roses, tacky teddy bears holding hearts, balloons, glitter falling slowly from the ceiling, wine, bubbles floating around….just tell me.”
He just looks at me.
“My imagination will always be worse than the truth. Or it could be spot on. Either way, I will no longer wonder.”
He just looks at me. I look at him. Time ticks by. “Please just tell me.”
He looks at me, his eyes narrow a bit. He says, “It’s none of your fucking business.”
I’ve told two real life friends this conversation. Both of whom know my husband and I very well. Both who have been with me from the moment I found out she exsisted, to the moment he said those words to me. Both have been pulling for us. Both of them had the same reaction when I told them what he said. “What?!! It IS your business! What the hell is wrong with him?” The other simply raised an eyebrow and said, “Oh. That would’ve been the line that got crossed for me. He would be out. Hell no. It IS your business.”
I felt as though it was my business. But I was trying to hold it together. I got up, walked outside and went for a walk. Yes, I told myself, it IS your business. The bottom line is, it doesn’t matter what kind or where he bought the flowers, it only matters that it’s bothering ME, it’s driving ME insane, and he just needs to be open and honest.
I walked back into the house and asked again. He just looked at me. So I picked up my phone, put it on speaker, and called her.
I remember I tweeted that night about contacting her. Boy did I get some stern, but caring, lecturing over it. They were all correct though. I should NOT have contacted her.
I looked at him as it rang. He smirked at me. Like he didn’t think I had the balls to do such a thing. She did not answer….but her voicemail identified it to be her. His eyes got huge and he jumped up and tried to literally run out of the room. I followed him with the phone in my hand while her voice rambled on that she wasn’t available to talk and to please leave her a message, she’ll get right back to you.
So in front of him I left the message, “Hi Toni. It’s (me), (Cheaterface’s wife), I was hoping you would have answered. I have a few questions for you that I’m hoping you would be willing to answer. Give me a call back! Thanks!” All of this said calmly and dripping with a smile in my voice.
I’m freaking nuts, I swear.
He calls me a couple of names and slinks away.
She texted me back. “You are crazy. I’m not talking to you. You have been stalking me for a year over nothing.”
Oh, I needed to play this well. I knew right away the game I needed to play. I needed her to feel like her and I were against him. I knew if I said anything mean, or nasty to her, she would scurry away like the rat she is. I had to play this game well if I wanted any information.
I do not recommend thinking this way. Why would someone that willingly slept with a married man be truthful? She was not. So much has come out since then and everything she said in these texts were lies.
Meanwhile, I have not been stalking her for over a year. At this point, there’s been no communication or even social media jabs since the previous April/May when I found out.
I really need to make her feel like it’s her and I against him. I call him names and give her the victim card to play that I know she loves. I’ve never come across another human that so loves to be a victim. We text for about an hour.
Yes. He brought her flowers. She admits that.
“He stalked me” everyone stalks her. He told me that at least every other day, she would tell him men were stalking her. She accused me of stalking her.
“He would come to my place of business and sit outside pouting and begging me to come out” maybe. Maybe. But this doesn’t sound like him at all. He’s never ‘stalked’ and not once in 27 years have I seen him in the way she described him. But then again, he was cheating and lying… and that’s also something I haven’t seen.
“He came to me to put your family back together”
What the actual fuck? Does she really think him coming to her, them fucking, sneaking around town, burner phones and fake facebook accounts equals helping him put our family back together?! When did she become our marriage counselor?
I’m done with her. Weirdly though? At the very end of the conversation, she apologizes.
But it means nothing. Because if she was truthful, it would have mattered and been received. If HE was truthful, I wouldn’t still be seething all this time later.
I didn’t reply. Because what is she apologizing for? She lied the whole time.
Maybe I’m done with her. Maybe I’m done with him. All I have wanted this whole time is the truth.
I got nothing from the conversation with her but more lies and confusion. I really don’t recommend ever talking to the affair partner.
So here I am. All this time later, still processing through bullshit and lies. Still looking at him to own his part, be remorseful, and be truthful.
I’m sick of my own story.
I really need to get to a point where I realize I may not ever get the answers I need. Then I need to realize if that’s something I can live with.
Huh. Well look at that… I write this out, I re-live it a bit, and it already feels kind of ‘gone’. It’s stupid! It’s a stupid part of the journey, I know they are both liars, so why have I been dwelling on it? Why am I letting what they did then destroy Valentine’s Day now?
Here’s to next year…. it will be better.