BBQ, ghosts, flowers and muscle cars.

I love this time of year. The winter was long, it’s nice to feel the sun and warm days and the end of a long hibernation.

Do you believe in ghosts? I live in a 170+ year old farm house. There are records going back almost 200 years, but I believe the house I’m in now is the second house on this property. So it’s a little newer than records show. It sits on 56 acres, 5 of those acres are open, the rest are now wooded. There are old logging trails that wind through the woods that are perfect for walks.

There is something about the springtime here that kicks up the paranormal activity. I can imagine it was a very busy time for them, working fields, repairing any winter damage, gardens, the animals. Even though it’s no longer a working farm, there is an energy that kicks up that you can feel.

I hear music, old music, 40’s maybe? The scratchy sound of the needle on an old record. Not long segments of the music, but enough to sort of place the age. I’ve heard a male voice saying “wake them up” Door knobs will jiggle and turn, laughter can be heard between two voices that you can’t figure out what’s so funny and what’s being said.

There’s even been arguments and what sounds like a scuffle… but we can’t place it. If you’re upstairs, it sounds like it’s downstairs, if you’re down, it sounds like it’s up.

The barn is even more active. Voices, noises, conversations, my hair has been touched. The barn will even glow. A very weird, low yellow glow.

We were here two years watching that barn glow every now and then when we found out the original barn burned in ’74, it was re-built right on the original foundation. I have a record of the original barn being built in 1853. Strange, huh? Now I know what the glow is.

My barn. Doing a little HDR photography on a foggy night. That’s a light in there, not the glow.

Its incredibly rich in history, too. Both confederate and union soldiers camped right in the backyard on their way to Gettysburg. (Not on the same night though!)

I love this place. I love the old house, the property, the ghosts. I feel like the house approves of us. We spent a year bringing it back to life, and we all love living here, ghosts and all.

For the first time since I’ve been here, I’ve turned my attention to the outside. I’ve put in a few new flower beds, the start of a garden, cleaned and organized. It feels amazing to have my hands in dirt, sun on my back. There’s nothing more healing for the soul than to connect with nature. Put your hands in dirt, earth, connect with that energy. Plant something and watch it grow.

I’m doing so much better. I’m doing me.

Husband and I have been doing OK. We just got back from a weekend at the ocean. Classic car show. Cruisin week has become our thing. We do it twice a year now, and oh… I love those old muscle cars. The sound of those engines…

Right before we left, I deep cleaned our bedroom. It’s an old house, the rooms are small. We have a California King shoved in there. I moved the bed as much as I could to get dust bunnies and other crap out from under it. From his side a few receipts and other stuff came out with the broom I was shoving under there. I looked at them, he saves all receipts. I didn’t want to throw away any that he may need for records.

It was a BBQ restaurant. Clearly a dinner for two. I looked at date. 9/16/15. My heart slammed against my ribs. This is actually a date I remember well.

They started on 9/10. He went to her house on 9/15.

However, on 9/16, my daughter and I went for a hike. We got lost. I had to pick my son up at his job at 8. Panicked I wouldn’t find my way out of the woods in time to get him. My husband had told me that he had a job to look at that night. He told me that if he finished in time, he would get our son. He said he would text me. But if he didn’t, that I needed to get him.

I never got a text, so I made it out of woods and hauled ass into town to get him. I pulled up to his job, and right behind me was my husband. He pulls up beside me and glares at me. We end up in a little argument over who was to get him, what was said about texting… so on.

This night runs through my head as I look at the date on the receipt. I look at the time. 6:30pm. She gets off at 6, probably met him there for dinner.

I look through our texts from that day. (Yeah, I don’t delete texts) we chatted throughout the day. He even sent a “Love you” text. He talked about the job he had to look at. He lied. The job was her. The jobs he looked at the next 8 months after this were always her.

I make a weird noise and walk out the door. Breathe. Walk. Don’t punch him. It’s not a big deal. I know he was a big fat liar face. I know he cheated. I know others have had to deal with much more than a dinner receipt.

I walk down to barn. Catch my breath. As I walk back up, he is walking down. He asks me what is wrong.

I use this moment. Blackacre left a comment on my last blog post… the puzzle.

I turned and swept my hand towards the barn. I said, “It’s like a 1000 piece puzzle of our barn. But look, the puzzle is missing the silo, your truck, that tree. Only you know what the complete picture looks like. You can tell me the silo is concrete, the truck is a ford, the tree is green. But how tall is the silo? What color is the ford? What kind of tree? You expect me to finish the picture on my own, but I can’t without more information.”

I went on a little more, but a look came over him. Did he get it? Even a little?

He hugged me. We walked back to house. I told him that I found a receipt. He asked me to show it to him. He said, “Let me give you a piece of the puzzle.”

Interesting turn.

It’s behind me. I’m feeling a little silly about the receipt… yet I own the feeling. It’s what it is. These step backs will happen. I just have to keep moving forward no matter what.

Well… I needed to ramble, so I did. If you stuck with me this far, thanks for doing so 😊

Go outside today. Take your shoes off… connect with nature.

Advertisements

About Walking the Journey

I'm a wife of 22+ years, a mother of three, a sister, a friend. This is my journey on healing after an affair. I'm full of sarcasm, humor and truth. Sharing the journey after my husbands affair, I'm hoping to rid myself of the demons and get a ticket out of crazy town that I'm living in.
This entry was posted in affair, cheating husband, cognitive dissonance, DDay, healing after the affair, husband, infidelity, lies, marriage, mistress, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to BBQ, ghosts, flowers and muscle cars.

  1. I so love that you got a piece of the puzzle and I am happy he answered how he did as well.

    No betrayed person reading this would EVER say it’s just a silly little receipt. I have felt exactly the same way. We get it, and get triggered right there with you. You are not alone xo

  2. First of all I am jealous that you have ghosts! Your home and property sounds so cool! Second, I was triggered for you when you began about finding the receipt but when I read his response, I smiled from ear to ear. What a wonderful reaction from him…much progress. xoxo Dolly

  3. blackacre02631 says:

    Yay! I’m not only glad the puzzle analogy worked, I’m thrilled for you that he responded so well.

    And I’m with Dolly on being jealous of your ghosts. 😊

    Xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s