I worked with Gail for years. We were good friends. I hung out at their house, I knew her husband. His name is John.
They had a rough road trying to have children. She had several miscarriages, but they kept trying.
They were very protective -obsessive- of each other. They always had each other in site, they couldn’t go out unless the other was also going, they were a package deal. I had never seen anything like it.
It took everything in my power to convince her husband to let her go out with me on my bachelorette party before I got married.
Again, package deal.
Fast forward 10 or so years. They went on to have two beautiful daughters and moved to a new house. I was also busy with my own kiddos and navigating married life and being a mom.
So we didn’t talk any longer. But I often thought of her, and hoped she was well.
One night, I got a rare moment to steal away with my sisters to a movie. Kids home safe with the husband and I got to get out and have an adult moment.
Before the movie starts, we loaded up on junk food and found some seats. Sitting there talking and laughing with each other. That’s when I noticed a super blond big head down to my left.
Is that John? No… can’t be… because that’s not Gail he has his arm around.
It has to be… no one on the planet has that color hair that I know of.
He leans in and they start kissing.
Wtf? Gail is going to kill him. Hell, I am going to kill him.
I tell my sisters. I tell them I have to get him to turn. My one sister makes a big noise and damn if he doesn’t turn and damn if that’s not John.
Wth am I supposed to do now? I think about it that night. I know what I have to do.
I call a mutual friend, and get Gail’s number. It’s been a good 5 or so years at this point since I’ve seen them. But I have to talk to her.
She should know.
I track her down and leave a message. She calls back about an hour later.
We have a little small talk, but there is something odd in her answers and there is some weirdness in her tone.
I just tell her as gently as I can that I saw John at the movies with someone that wasn’t her.
She replies, “I know.” We take a little more, but she’s still being odd. She’s asking me a lot of questions about mutual friends and if they’ve told me anything. I’m so confused by this conversation.
Finally she says, “We separated about a year ago, I am gay. I always have been. I decided about a year ago to come out. John wasn’t doing good for a while, but he’s happy now”
Oh. Alright then. We go on to talk a bit more.
Today? I see Gail a lot. Her daughter and my oldest son are the same age and go to the same school. I even had dreams of them dating. Her daughter was actually at my sons baby shower. They tease each other all the time about that. Gail is happy, John is happy, kids are happy.
All is good.
My point for this? Besides rambling on and on…
I’m in a support group on Facebook, and the question comes up a lot:
“Did your friends know about the affair and not tell you.”
The answers are almost always, yes, friends knew.
Why is this so hard?
People I considered friends knew. They even went out and had drinks with my husband and his whore. One of these friends was even in my wedding.
Is there a “bro code”? Maybe there is. But these friends wives also knew. These women hugged me, talked to me, chilled out with me… DURING his affair that they KNEW about.
I feel weirdly betrayed by all of them. I can’t even look at them to this day without wanting to punch them in the throat.
Did I do right that day telling Gail? I think so. I knew it could hurt her, I knew I might lose her as a friend -you know the whole kill the messenger thing- but damn it! She had the right to know, no matter how hard to hear, that he was not only jeopardizing their marriage, he was putting her health at risk.
Her and I laugh about it now. We have talked in depth about that phone call several times since.
She always thanks me. No matter where her marriage was at the time, she thanks me for looking out for her.
I wouldn’t hesitate to tell a friend again. Though I pray I’m never in that position ever again.
I’m somewhat humiliated when I think of it. How I was posting things about him and I online, how I was just going about our lives like there wasn’t a side chick that everyone knew about but me.
I know I shouldn’t be humiliated, but I can’t help that feeling.
But with that feeling also comes anger. They should’ve told me.
Would you tell a friend?