The car.

This is the first day I’ve been alone since last week. The house is quiet, even my new baby, Charlie my usually loud Amazon parrot, is being quiet and just watching me.

More of the story has come to light as the days have gone by. I think I have settled on the last moments and why he chose what he did, but that’s another entry and I need to breathe a little.

My son drove his car back. An older, but fully loaded Buick with a big old v8 engine. It was originally my grandmothers and when she passed it went to my Dad.

My son, a brand new ASEP graduate that works in a Buick dealership is head over heels over that car, but I can’t give it to him. Long story, but our kids have to buy their own vehicles. I have three kiddos, I can’t give him this one just cause it’s got a beast of an engine in it.

Anyway, according to my life 360 app, my father made a few stops the day he did it and by the fresh damage done to the car, it looks like that was the car he took to town.

He hit the retaining wall around the house and damaged the driver side. He hit the right side of the garage pulling in. There was an overwhelming panic feeling looking at the damage. By what I saw in his bedroom, the panic came from pain. By what I saw in the living room, the pain and panic was what pulled the trigger.

I’m supposed to take the car out today, alone, in the car. I’m so weirdly struggling with this.

I just need to get in.

I just need to start it and take it where I’m supposed to go.

I just need to get in.

I just need to get in.

….

….

Breathe Chrissy, you got this….

Thank God for this space.

About Walking the Journey

I'm a wife of 22+ years, a mother of three, a sister, a friend. This is my journey on healing after an affair. I'm full of sarcasm, humor and truth. Sharing the journey after my husbands affair, I'm hoping to rid myself of the demons and get a ticket out of crazy town that I'm living in.
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8 Responses to The car.

  1. CrazyKat1963 says:

    Blue Eyes’ brother took his own life IN his car. No one ever wanted to drive that car again. Much strength to you. I’m glad you’re writing this out, and your feathered friend is simply gorgeous! ❤️❤️❤️

    • Yeah, if it was in the car there would be no way it would’ve come back to my house. 😬

      I can say that I want to sell the house. He ruined it, it was a wonderful home full of memories. My grandparents had it for 70 years. He grew up in it. I can’t wait to sell it now. 🥺

      • CrazyKat1963 says:

        That is sad. I love houses, especially ones with good family memories. Sometimes we just have to let go and embrace only the good memories for our own sanity. It will take time. 🤗

  2. horsesrcumin says:

    🧡🧡🧡 so much hard to process. I’m sure you have a million thoughts per second. Thinking of you, hope you can get some rest. The material things – car, house, etc, have so much emotional baggage embedded in them 💔

  3. You are doing the impossible. Thinking of you.

  4. Love, Me says:

    Thinking of you!💛

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